


Totally Supernatural

by EncyclopediaOfWeirdness, MashuraDi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Counseling the Devil, Gen, Multi, Other, Parody, Randomness, References to Supernatural (TV), Totally Lost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 07:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6109782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EncyclopediaOfWeirdness/pseuds/EncyclopediaOfWeirdness, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MashuraDi/pseuds/MashuraDi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer gets called into the executive producer's office for a chat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Totally Supernatural

**Author's Note:**

> Based upon the series Totally Lost.  
> Which can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRzdYS1zWrw

Jeremy Carver was sitting in his cramped office, waiting for Lucifer to walk in at any moment. There were certain things that needed to be discussed. Things that involved inappropriate behavior, amongst other things that happened on the Supernatural set.  

“Thank you for coming in today. Even though you are ten minutes late…” He folded his hands collectively on his desk, shooting a somewhat hateful glare towards the archangel.

Of course he was late, but what is there to do? Lucifer can’t help it but visit the bar every now and then. Walking funny even, he stepped inside the room, running a hand over his blond hair. He blinked, furrowing his brows at Jeremy. “I, huh… Had a problem to attend to,” he said, obviously lying. Not that Lucifer lies that often, especially NOT in the show (at least not in season 5!), but he has gotten to trick people and vessels and now he just can’t help it. Let the Devil lie, everybody is good with that, right? Right.

Of course, the executive producer knew that was complete and utter bull. “Riiight.” He nodded sarcastically.  “Listen.” His serious face was serious as he leaned in closer.

Lucifer was about to reach out a hand to touch his lovely face, but he had to say No within his mind. _No, Lucifer... No._

“We’ve got some complaints… about you. Now I can’t say from who but I believe there’s some issues we need to resolve.”

The Devil looked at him as not understanding, what did that mean, he has been a good worker, right? Of course he was, people loved him (Or so he wants to believe). “You are…. firing me, right? Is that it?”

Oh, how he wanted to confirm the Devil’s question, yet he refrained. Jeremy couldn’t afford to fire Lucifer. The fans loved him too much. He’d receive too much hate mail for letting Kripke’s vision go and he just didn’t want that on his list. (Even though things were already getting out of hand in the writing department this season.) “No, nothing like that.” Jeremy hesitated, nervously studying his clenched hands. Lucifer was intimidating. He was the freaking Devil for Chuck’s sake! Telling him he is fired would result in a snap of the fingers kind of death. And that wouldn’t be pretty. Then Human Resources would have all this paperwork and eh…  “No one’s going to be fired but while we are on the subject..” The producer gulped. Just thinking about bringing these things to his attention was frightening. “Let’s talk about how you uh…” Yes, he can even see Lucifer frowning at this point, maybe he should just say it?

“What’s wrong? Tell me, tell me it’s ok,” he said smiling. Poor Jeremy, now has the Devil’s hand approaching dangerously.

“How you snap all your assistant’s necks!” He blurted out, closing his eyes, waiting to be dismembered. It was true. The scene was gruesome. There must have been twenty different PA’s that decorated the set’s floor- all at the hands of Lucifer’s hot temper.

But that didn’t happen, at least, not yet. The Devil blinked again and again, and had to retrieve his hand. “What?” Yes, he had to ask about why is he blaming him about _that_. “You know that people sometimes bother me.” Well not basically all the people but, his co-workers sucked. “They know I’ve anger issues and you knew it when you hired me.”

 _Ain’t that the truth! If only…_ Carver chanted to himself. “Well, you can’t do that sort of thing here. I mean, we can’t have that kind of mentality happening on set, you know?”

“You’re basically telling me to stop being myself,” he had to say things from his point of view, geez! Lucifer, however, tried to be gentle. He had to let him know it was okay, that he understood, but… No. He reached a hand to touch Jeremy’s. “You are asking strange things of me, something happened? Who’s the one talking shit about me?” He was ready to pay that person a visit after his shift is over.

“I can’t release that information. It’s confidential.. And..” Jeremy shies away from Lucifer’s grasp. “No, you know what? I’m glad that happened because that’s another thing  I’d like to talk to you about. In the workplace, inappropriate. People don’t like to be… touched.”

“I didn’t touch you,” he was confused. “...Or did I?”

“Yes, you did. Just now.”

“Wow…” He needed to think about this. “It just happens reflexively.” Maybe Jeremy was right about this, he should have opened his eyes that night when Sam looked at him in the eyes and almost looked as if he wanted to bitchslap him. He remembers touching Sam more than once, in very… inappropriate places. Maybe he’s the one complaining now and probably Sam was brave enough to say something because Lucifer in the end is not one to harm him, not really. Unless you say 'No' to being his vessel, and the boy thinks there’s another way to defeat the Darkness. Then yes. That’s what the script said anyway.

“See that’s worse. You should be asking permission. You just can’t do that. It makes people feel uncomfortable- it makes me-er us- uncomfortable.”

 

//////////    

 

Sitting in his casting chair, Sam sat with one lengthy leg over the other, catching up on his lines. He was alone, just him and his script.

Lucifer was drinking, which means... he was drunk. Kind of. “Sam,” he called. “Where should I put this?” Holding a bunch of papers, probably scripts for other people.

Urgh, that soft grunt of a whisper could only mean one thing. Lucifer. Sam inhaled deeply before flashing a false smile once the Devil came closer. “Oh uh, thanks. You can just put them right there.” He pointed to the empty folding chair next to him labeled ‘Castiel’ and went back to memorizing his next scene.

“Right,” Castiel’s chair it is. But obviously it couldn’t be that easy for Sam, he had to experience another one of these awkward situations. The Devil standing beside him, looking down at the scripts just before daring to place his right hand over Sam’s head. His fingers basically interlacing with that glorious hair.

How uncomfortable for Sam! There was virtually nothing he could do at this point except pray that Lucifer would leave any second.

But the Devil didn’t leave.

 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

 

“Are there any more than the twelve people I know about that you’ve touched? Is it just the twelve?” Jeremy was honest and open which he had hoped Lucifer would be too -kind of putting him on the spot.  
  
But it was hard for Lucifer, when he has been doing something for so long, all he can think about was that this was unfair! Occupying a vessel meant they could touch people, no one has told him before it was forbidden. No one.

 

//////////

 

It was a tiring day and Lucifer was having none of it with anyone. Walking around the office, with his drink in hand. He spotted Crowley near the coffee machine.

Unlike his adversary, Crowley was not fortunate enough to have his own assistant. Instead, he had to retrieve his own cup of caffeine himself. As if the poor little crossroads demon didn’t have a trying day already. All he wanted was some coffee to sooth his non-existent soul.

But no. The Devil was there.  
And as the Devil he was, he had to make sure all his demons showed him respect when he’s around. So he approached the crossroads demon and leaned against the counter casually, sipping from his scotch.

“Evening, your highness.” Crowley greeted Satan in a somewhat sarcastic undertone.

The tone was enough to make his creator frown in disapproval. He didn’t even give Crowley time to react, he just used his free hand to slap the coffee in the demon’s hands with force enough to make him drop the hot cup.

 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

 

“Lucifer.” Jeremy sighed, expressing his deepest concerns through subtle eye contact. “I’d like you to meet with a counselor. I think it would be really good for you to talk through your issues. Just a formality. You don’t have to say yes right away but I strongly recommend doing so.”

He was so disoriented with all this, but seeings how Jeremy was being so serious about it, he had to agree. “Alright, I… I choose yes.” Lucifer even nods, doubting about it, but oh, what the hell.

“Okay, great. Great.” The executive producer nodded, glad the archangel was on board with this idea. “Counselor, come on in.”

And so the door creaked open a little further as a figure curled around the door frame. It was none other than Lucifer’s older brother, Michael- who was wearing a sweatshirt with the words “Team Mikey” displayed across it in bold font.  

“Do you know how badly I want to counsel you right now?” Michael asked with a straight face.

“...” Of course Lucifer was speechless for a second, just watching as his older brother daringly stepped in only to say that. He can picture him victorious about this situation, he must be really enjoying himself. The Devil remains silent for a few seconds, and then gazed back at Jeremy. “Can I have a new counselor?” Totally ignoring Michael after that.

“No. Absolutely not.” Jeremy replied, arms folded against his chest. Final answer.


End file.
